This just in from The Onion: Wellness experts say the best way to stay healthy and productive in the workplace is to curl up in a ball on the floor.
"The human body isn't meant to sit at a desk for six or seven hours," Dr. Amy Johnson tells The Onion, America's finest news source. "The natural position – especially in the workplace – is to shut down completely, return to a womblike state and rock back and forth to soothe yourself."
Sarah Holloway, a fictitious employee at SlashForward Marketing, says her fetal-position desk makes the workday go by faster.
"I feel better. I have more energy," Holloway tells the Onion. "And I don't get that 2:30 feeling anymore where I'm like, 'Oh no, didn't I want to be a novelist?'"
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